Welcome!
We hope you enjoy what we have to pretend to say.
And don't get us wrong, we love this man! This is more of a homage to his greatness. He's the Chuck Norris of our generation, you know, without the radical, right-wing craziness and the desire to become the president of Texas when they "inevitably" secede from the U.S.
Here's the thing: I love being president. I love the power to change things. I love living in the White House. I love the pretty much nonstop presidential sex my wife has given me since I got inaugurated (for the record, it's about 100x better than senatorial sex and infinitely better than community organizer sex). I love it. But there's one thing I don't love:
The Oval Office-- and I blame Bill Clinton and his voracious sexual appetite.
Now I'm not one of those people who say that Clinton "disgraced the office" because he did some "exit-polling." My problem is that I can't go in there without picturing Bill getting busy with Monica Lewinsky. Now pardon my language, but if I'm even medium-hard when I go into the office in the morning, well, let's just say that image takes care of that. I'm serious. I mean, could a more unattractive couple of people done it in there? I swear, if I ever find out that old Honest Abe did a bit of business in there, I'm going to start working from the bedroom. Seriously, Bill. It's bad enough that I have to sleep in the same room that you and Hillary pretended to have sex in.
The audacity of some people!
IG
Woke up a bit hungry tonight. Of course, being the president, I've heard the rumor that if I get hungry in the middle of the night, I can go down to the kitchen and my personal chef will whip something up. So, I got out of bed and headed to the kitchen. When I got down there, I must admit, I was a bit surprised to find a completely empty room. I called for the chef but no one was around. So I went upstairs and woke Michelle. I said, "Honey, I think someone has stolen our chef." She said that the chef goes home at 9 and that the whole personal-chef-midnight-snack thing was just a "stupid" rumor. So I went back downstairs. And now here I am. The leader of the free world. Sitting in my EMPTY kitchen. Updating my blog while waiting for my Eggos to finish toasting.
The audacity of some people!
IG
Movie night! I want to go see the new Christian Bale feature (forgot the name), but Michelle wants to go see Dance Flick. I keep telling her that I'd really rather see the Christian Bale film. God, what is the name of that film? Something with robots. They've made a bunch of them. And a TV show, I think? There are robots and I want to say guns. It's not RoboCop, but I don't feel like that's too far off. It's with the guy and he looks like a man but also a robot at the same time. Robot something. Robo... wabo... weebo... Is it RoboCop? The robots kill people. KillboCop? Something? I just watched the preview on YouTube, too. Jesus, what is the name? This is unbelievable... Battlebots! That's it. Battlebots: Salvation. I wanted to see that. Anyways, she says she doesn't care and that we are going to see Dance Flick.
The audacity of some people!
IG
